Trying to uncover my structured self...

So I remember a long time ago (my life before Sydney Kate) I was once a structured and organized person. I thrived on completing a list and accomplishing things in a timely fashion. I thought of myself as being clean, organized, and basically the model employee/friend/wife/etc. I write this blog as a confession...

My life as I knew it has gone to HELL!!! I'm a complete disaster. My house is a wreck...I have clutter sitting on every available surface. My dining room table is now the extension of my laundry room...with clean clothes piled to the chandler (because who likes to fold and put away clothes). The once clean freak has disappeared and this alien person has replaced her. I wonder what a complete stranger would say about me if they entered my house. Would they look at my laundry and suppose I'm lazy? Would they look at the pile of books on my bedside table and suppose I'm the type to never finish one project before starting another? All those examples to pose this one question. Does my environment explain who I am on the inside?

Lately, I'm pretty convinced my environment is telling a little bit about my inner restlessness. I truly believe the Lord has brought disorder and struggle to my life to teach me a very important lesson...I have to believe that God is fond of me even when I'm a mess. These last six months have been full of struggle but God continues to show me that He is fond of me - trust in what you know is true -trust that I love you and the work I have begun I will complete. The title of this blog "Journey To Transparency" is my desire. I'm tired of being picture perfect outwardly and not sharing struggle. After all who wants to be around someone who has it all together. As Brennan Manning says, " Give up trying to look like a saint. It'll be a lot better for everybody." So I'm hoping this blog will be a small glimpse of my journey towards transparency...what does it look like in my marriage with Todd...as a mom with Sydney Kate...as a friend...as a social worker...etc. Oh and of course I'm sure this blog will include many pictures of my best girl Sydney Kate. Love to you all!!