April 23, 2008

Just thoughts....

This weekend we decided to skip church and have a day of "rest". So we loaded up in the car with a picnic basket full of food and ended up at Oak Mountain State park. I enjoyed my husband... my child wasn't whinny... we simply had a perfect spring day. No worries, no talk of things we haven't accomplished, no nagging, no negative statements, no timeouts (this one only applies to SK because many days I wish someone would put me in timeout) - we simply enjoyed the company of each other. I wish I could say this is a typical day in the Ervin Household... but that wouldn't be exactly the truth.

I've been pondering a song by Sara Groves. It is called Less Like Scars. There is one verse that always stops me when I hear this song.
" Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come
And I need you
And I want you
And I feel you
And I know you're here"

When I hear this song I'm immediately challenged by her desperation and the faith she has in the Lord. Where is my desperation? Have I experienced desperation? Yes many times - and most recently a miscarriage eight months ago. I felt the desperation in the moment of my grief - but then I moved on to more self sufficiency. I left the desperation for something I could control...I left it for a more mundane existence. Which gives me the chills to think - because in reality mundane can't even compete with desperation. Not to say I want tragedy in my life - no I just want more reliance in the Lord. I want to wake up everyday thinking I need Him, I want Him, I feel Him, and trusting that He is there.