April 23, 2008

Just thoughts....


This weekend we decided to skip church and have a day of "rest". So we loaded up in the car with a picnic basket full of food and ended up at Oak Mountain State park. I enjoyed my husband... my child wasn't whinny... we simply had a perfect spring day. No worries, no talk of things we haven't accomplished, no nagging, no negative statements, no timeouts (this one only applies to SK because many days I wish someone would put me in timeout) - we simply enjoyed the company of each other. I wish I could say this is a typical day in the Ervin Household... but that wouldn't be exactly the truth.

I've been pondering a song by Sara Groves. It is called Less Like Scars. There is one verse that always stops me when I hear this song.
" Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come
And I need you
And I want you
And I feel you
And I know you're here"

When I hear this song I'm immediately challenged by her desperation and the faith she has in the Lord. Where is my desperation? Have I experienced desperation? Yes many times - and most recently a miscarriage eight months ago. I felt the desperation in the moment of my grief - but then I moved on to more self sufficiency. I left the desperation for something I could control...I left it for a more mundane existence. Which gives me the chills to think - because in reality mundane can't even compete with desperation. Not to say I want tragedy in my life - no I just want more reliance in the Lord. I want to wake up everyday thinking I need Him, I want Him, I feel Him, and trusting that He is there.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good to see you had a nice day with your family. How do you come to the realization of how desperate we really are? It scares me to think of what it takes for me to slow down and be still and realize how much I need Him. love you and miss you friend.
Shanda

Jenn said...

Hey Shan...
I think we should always be desperate for Christ (of course we rarely live here). We usually live with the mentality that we can do it all ourselves or think life is good. But is life really good when we're not craving for more of Christ in our lives?? I just wish I lived in the spirit of desperation without having a tragedy to get me there. love you friend!