Heading to the Beach...

We are heading to the beach this weekend - hoping to get a much needed break from life. I find great joy in the silence of the beach - hearing the waves and feeling the ocean breeze on my face. Many times God has met me there - there on the beach with a 1,000 thoughts swirling in my mind God has come and quieted my soul. I pray that very same thing happens this weekend. Its kind of tricky to find quiet moments anywhere with a three year old - you must plan ahead!! And I've learned I have to give my husband a hint of my expectations for the weekend. I may be thinking I can't wait to have great time on the beach alone and he may be thinking lets stay together all day. Both are great thoughts but if he isn't on my page I have the tendency to be mad at him for not reading my mind.

Last week was bit challenging for me. I had my two week post-op visit with my doctor. I felt great leading up to the appointment but the closer I got to her office the faster my heart started beating. In my mind I dream up great fantasies - like I'll walk in here and my doctor will have all the answers. She'll know exactly what happened and what we need to do differently next time. Nothing will be a mystery and she will have everything under control! Fantasies rarely if ever come true. She didn't have all the answers but is willing to try anything next time around. So our next pregnancy doesn't sound all that relaxing to me (if pregnancy can be put in the same sentence with relaxing). I'll probably be giving myself shots in my belly, taking meds, and having weekly ultrasounds - all this for the "just in case" scenario. Because really at this point no body knows why these miscarriages keep happening. So again this is where I walk... I have days where I seem completely normal, I have days where I wish I were a huge fat pregnant woman, I have days where I experience the rest of Jesus, and I have days where I want to scream and kick on the floor. I get up every morning and know in my heart God has me here - its not glamorous or beautiful - it is just where He has me for today.