“ I remained, lost in oblivion; My face I reclined on the Beloved. All ceased and I abandoned myself, Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.” – Saint John of the Cross
I often revisit this quote in my journal – most days my soul longs to join the lilies – to be embraced, sun beaming on my face – loved, rested, secure, no struggle, and beloved daughter. Not that my days are horrible but they are busy. I wrestle with laziness and being a taskmaster (two very different roles). I long to mark off the list of things I need to do but most days I barely make it past item one. I don’t mind much that I’m a procrastinator – things get done when they need to get done its just not with much speed. I really think sometimes I would have been an amazing monk – to sit all day and ponder the things of God, to read, to sit in silence, and at times work odd jobs. Why does that sound fun to me?? Okay it would probably be fun for a short period then I would need to connect with someone else - there is a strong desire for community in my world of introspection. Not sure I meet many mothers who have the time for the type of reclining time with the Lord I long for – I see lots of running errands and mundane lists checked off (which I’m often envious of those moms) but more and more I’m still drawn to the other side of leaving the lists for tomorrow. The side of being in the moment and if that moment calls for me to sit with a giant cup of coffee and a bagel at Panera Bread and focus on what God is doing among my craziness then that is where I’ll be. I long to be lost in oblivion – my face reclined on the Beloved – abandon my control – leave behind the stresses of life and breath in the fragrance of the lilies.